


A Week of Saeyoung: Crack Edition

by theagentshade



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-06-15 20:07:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15420606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theagentshade/pseuds/theagentshade
Summary: Crack fics inspired by Saeyoung Week on Tumblr (July 9th-16th, 2018) with a different prompt on each day.





	1. Childhood

**Author's Note:**

> While Saeyoung Week has its own Tumblr, I had surgery during the week of the event, and was too out of commission to finish all seven fics, or send them the fics I finished. Because of this, none of these are on their Tumblr. But since I started this project before I got surgery and have enjoyed writing these, I decided to finish the rest of the prompts independent of that event.
> 
> Also, excuse the formatting. I copied and pasted from Microsoft Word, and it pasted all mumbo jumbo. I fixed the formatting best I could, but if some paragraphs breaks are longer than others, that's why. Word from the wise, use LibreOffice for fanfiction. Pastes so much better.

It was a beautiful Saturday morning.                                                                                          

That is, it was according Saeyoung’s standards, primarily because of the nightmare he had just woke up from.                                                                                     

It had started off as a headless zombie apocalypse. The zombies had started off with heads, but during the human-to-zombie transition, their brain becomes smaller in size, while other features, such as their irises and eardrums, don’t. Because their new brain is disproportionate to the size of their irises and eardrums, their heads tear themselves off and decompose into rainbow cupcake scented powder. Poor animals would mistake this powder for food, and it gave them harpasnarklezepotitis, an obscure type of food poisoning, instead.                                                                                                         

No animal who contracted it survived; after their death, their carcasses made their air stench of numerous alcoholic drinks, including 1985 vodka from Belgium or Bulgaria or somewhere. This kind of vodka happens to be Saeyoung’s mother’s favorite drink in all of the Andromeda galaxy. Because of this, even the slightest whiff of it reminded him of her. In the end, he found himself sitting in the corner of his room, crying hysterically as he thought about his heathen mother, not a care in the world about the zombies terrorizing civilians just outside his house.                                                                

So, as you can see, he was pretty happy to wake up to a lack of headless zombies outside his window or vodka smell. Unfortunately, he knew the lack of the latter wouldn’t remain for long. In order to avoid having the same traumatic experience merely hours apart, he needed to get out of the house.                                                                            

Saeyoung looked at Saeran. He was still sleeping in his bed across the room, the same bed that his mom found off the side of the road crawling with fire ants and lethal scorpions some years ago. On the bed was a blanket his mother stole from a naked baby in the park (while sober) not long after. Then there were two pillows, where she got from. . .                                                                                                                              

Actually, I was paid ₩1,000,000,000 in tax returns not to disclose where she got those pillows from. So I’m not going there. Back to the story.                                                     

Saeyoung pondered for a moment whether he should wake up Saeran. His mom usually didn’t leave the house on Saturdays, so frankly it didn’t make that much of a difference when he woke. Regardless of the time, their mother was bound to egg their bedroom walls instead of make them breakfast, and then eat buttered popcorn mixed with sangria while she watched them clean it.                                                                                    

That was when Saeyoung had a sudden, yet profound, Great Awakening™.                            

Today didn’t _have_ to be that way. If he simply found a way to get his mother out of the house, him and Saeran could not only get some decent sleep knowing they avoided their room being egged, but avoid the stench of vodka. It can’t get much better than that!                                                                                                                                                      

Saeyoung sat up as he pondered how to get his mother Far Far from the Fatherland. It was a risky idea, and if it failed, he didn’t want to imagine the consequences. But it was for a good cause, arguably the best cause: for himself, his brother, and ultimately, for Narnia.                                                                                                          

Saeyoung got dressed, then opened the window as quiet as he could. He climbed over it, his preadolescent height making him slip off the edge and tumble on the ground. His head barely managing to avoid hitting a tree trunk hard enough to put him in a concussion, he smirked as he stood and regained his balance. He took a deep breath, loosened his shoulders, and watched a stampede of winged buffalos storm down a distant highway before attempting his plan.                                                                                          

Saeyoung started with making the sounds of a tortured cat. The scratchy meows made his throat spilt in agony, but they were so loud, his eardrums wanted to shrivel to a size proportionate to a zombie’s brain.                                                                                                     

After far too long of that, he than ran across the yard and made sounds of a large, angry doggo. His growls sounded more thicc than an evangelical fundamentalist’s skull, so they sounded truly murderous, wanting to kill a poor kitty cat completely made from Saeyoung’s imagination.                                                                                                                       

To end this very treacherous sounding scene, even surprising himself, he made noises similar to bones being broken, ligaments bring torn, and veins falling out of one’s body and flopping on the ground.                                                                                                              

As for why he sounded out such a scene, he was hoping to fake murders of a cute kitty cat and doggo to convince his mother than one of the winged buffalos had gone rabid, barged into their yard, and happened to kill the nearest doggo and cute kitty cat. His mother was typically too drunk to care about the welfare of animals, but knowing her, she’d call RCSSLA (Rabid Control Society for Somewhat Legal Animals), worried about the flying buffalo being rabid enough to break into her house and devour her alcohol. So, unless his sounds weren’t as realistic as he thought they were, this plan was pretty solid.                                                                                                                                                         

Saeyoung quickly climbed back into his room. Upon his entry, he saw that Saeran had awoken. The ear-scalding meows had jerked him awake, and he sat frozen in his bed as he heard the rest. The way he gazed at Saeyoung looked half like anyone with a heart who has watched Marley and Me, half like a koala with a unibrow.                                               

Saeyoung’s poor little redhead heart nearly broke at the sight. Before Saeran could ask, he immediately explained the situation. By the time he finished, Saeran had mostly relaxed and looked more like a puzzled koala who didn’t even know what Marley and Me was.                                                                                                                                                      

“So you made all those sounds. . .so we can go outside?”                                                       

“That’s right! She should be calling RCSSLA any minute now, and will be too busy dealing with them to notice we’re gone!”                                                                                                  

“I think she called them already,” Saeran said. “As soon as you stopped, I heard her pick up the phone and scream that a she heard a rabid buffalo murder a kitty and puppy outside and that it might break into our house or something.”                                           

Saeyoung gasped. “Oooooh! My plan worked! That’s exactly what I was trying to get her to think! Now get dressed so we can leave before RCSSLA members arrive and notice us!”                                                                                                                                               

Saeran couldn’t remember the last time he got dressed so fast in his life. Then Saeyoung re-exited the window and helped Saeran climb over, gently setting him on the ground.                                                                                                                                                  

“So. . . where do you want to go?” Saeyoung asked.                                                              

Saeran put his hand on his chin. After a moment of thinking, he made an excited gasp. “I wanna get ice cream!”                                                                                                                       

Saeyoung chuckled. “You sure love your ice cream, Saeran!”                                                       

The Choi Bois skipped away from their house in the direction of the ice cream shop. They were too excited to pay much attention to their surroundings; however, on the side of the road, there was something that looked so peculiar, it stopped Saeyoung on his tracks.                                                                                                                                                  

Saeran took another few steps before realizing that Saeyoung had stopped. “Saeyoung? Are you okay?”                                                                                                                       

“Yeah.” Saeyoung pointed to the peculiar object. “I just noticed something weird over there. . .”                                                                                                                                            

Saeran reverted his gaze to where his brother was pointing. Nearby was a teapot, but even at first glance, it didn’t look like an ordinary teapot. It was the color of bronze after having rolled around in a factory farm, with a pattern of phoenix heads patterned all over it. It looked older than Betty White and Queen Elizabeth II combined, yet didn’t have a single spiderweb or speck of dirt on it. If one listened closely, they could hear a soft _hisssssmybackhasanallergyrashhhh_ whispering from it.                                                              

“That _does_ look really weird. . .should we check it out?” Saeran asked.                                   

“Let’s get our ice cream first and check it out on our way back.”                                            

So that’s what they did. Saeran was beaming when they entered the ice cream shop, almost drooling when reading the flavor names. Saeyoung was skimming over the flavors when he noticed a new addition: toppings. His eyes began to skim over those, but stopped dead on their tracts upon a particular topping.                                                              

Rainbow powder.                                                                                                                            

Saeyoung didn’t think his expression changed to one witnessing a zombie apocalypse upon noticing it. But apparently it did, because the server noticed and questioned it.                                                                                                                                     

“Is everything alright, young man?”                                                                                            

“Uh. . .” Saeyoung slowly looked up. “It’s just. . .um. . .”                                                          

Part of Saeyoung was tempted to mentioned what rainbow powder was in his recent dream. But he knew all it would do was make him look like a Saeyoungfool. A Saeyoungfool is someone who’s a fool, but (usually) not as severely as an average fool, and only in a way a Saeyoung can be a fool. So instead, he came up with another (what he assumed was probably not true) excuse.                                                                                   

“I read something in a science book about rainbow powder. It’s, um, dangerous to animals. It gives them lethal food poisoning, and none who get it every survive.”                          

The server’s jaw dropped. Saeyoung panicked, worried he had sounded like a Saeyoungfool anyway, and was prepared to backpedal to his dream. But then the server spoke.                                                                                                                                                             

“Dude. You’re literally the first person to notice.”                                                                      

Saeyoung blinked once. Twice. Three times. “Huh?”                                                            

“It’s true. Rainbow powder is the leading cause of harpasnarklezepotitis, but only in animals. It’s no harm to humans. Our store uses it because its cheaper than rainbow sprinkles, and no one noticed the difference anyway. Except for you.”                                           

Saeyoung was so stunned by this revelation, he was at a loss for words. However, Saeran was looking at his brother with astonishment and adoration.                                                  

“You know about a rare powder and disease? You’re so smart, Saeyoung!” He grabbed his brother in a side hug, nuzzling his arm. Saeyoung felt a wave of sheepishness wash over himself.                                                                                                             

The server smiled. “Well, I have even better news for you two. My manager told me on my first day that if anyone noticed that our rainbow sprinkles are actually powder, the customer and everyone in his party get ice cream for free.”                                 

“Really?” Saeyoung smiled. “That’s awesome, because I forgot to add a part where I snagged some money before I got here!”                                                                                         

The Choi Bois each got two flavors. Saeran got strawberry and cookies & cream. Saeyoung got pistachio and banana monkey nut with spaghetti sauce flavoring, but with actual monkey instead of nuts. They left the shop being happy Choi Bois, thinking for once their lives that nothing could ruin their mood that day. They had even forgot about that peculiar teapot on the side of the road, until they passed by it again. This time, Saeran stopped first.                                                                                                                               

“Um, do you still want to check out that teapot?” Saeran asked.                                        

“For sure. It looks so strange, I couldn’t ignore it if I tried.”                                      

Saeyoung approached the teapot, Saeran following closely behind. The soft whispers it made became louder as they came closer. Both stopped when they were mere inches in front of it.                                                                                                                                      

Saeyoung looked over at his brother. “Er. . .wanna touch it?”                                                

Saeran nodded vigorously. “It looks creepy up close. You do it.”                                            

“Alright, little brother.”                                                                                                                 

Saeyoung slowly reached his hand out until the tips of his fingers touched the top. Suddenly, the whispers stopped. Saeyoung’s instincts told him to lift his fingers off. And it was a damn good thing he did, because seconds later, the top of the teapot flung itself off before it rolled itself on its side. Then a thick, blue mist came pouring out of the top.                                                                                                                                     

Within seconds, the mist metamorphisized into a body. The body had floofy, curled blue hair, fake lashes, make up all over her face, a black dress with golden fur on the edges, and black heels. She had henna tattoos here and there, acrylic nails that make lesbians run for the hills, natural black devil horns, a blue cat-like tail, and was undoubtably a drag queen.                                                                                                           

Once the body was fully formed and the mist had dissipated, the three of them stood in silence. Then the drag queen spoke.                                                                                           

“I have been summoned?” Not only was her voice astoundingly androgynous, but had a think Romanian accent.                                                                                                                      

The Choi Bois exchanged glances. Neither of them had the first idea of what to do or say regarding this situation.                                                                                                                    

“What’s with those looks, boys?” the drag queen asked. “One of you touched my pot, didn’t you?”                                                                                                                                         

“Yeah. . .” Saeyoung reply came out strained and high-pitched. “I did.”                               

The drag queen took a step closer to them, her curls bouncing as she moved. “Surely you touched my pot because you have a wish, is that right?”                                                  

“No, I didn’t. I-- _we_ just passed by that pot, and thought it looked. . .unique, so I decided to touch it.”                                                                                                                                             

“Oh. So you aren’t aware of my wish-granting services. Well, I’d be rude not to introduce myself! My name is Hesuela Herpotarnita, and I’m a self-employed genie.”                 

Saeran rose an eyebrow. “Hesela Herpo _what_?”                                                                        

“It’s He _suela_ , dear. I know it’s difficult, so you can use Suela for short. Anyway, that teapot is unique, because it’s mine. I have teapots around the world lying around, waiting for people to touch so I can grant wishes to them. It’s a business like no other, and I treasure it deeply.”                                                                                                                       

“Oh.” Saeyoung found himself skeptical of Hesuela’s claims. But because she was being nice (a rare experience for the poor Choi Bois) and he was still recovering from shock, he decided to go along with it.                                                                                                           

“So, Suela, you just go around granting wishes for free?”                                                           

Hesuela made a small chuckle. “Oh, dear, nothing in life is free, no matter how you go about it. But don’t worry, I take _many_ forms of payments.”                                                

“What kinds of payments?” Saeran asked, his voice soft and shy.                                          

“Payments like food, jewels, money of all currencies, fur jackets, government conspiracies, overpriced diabetes medication, the bodies of my enemies. You name it, I take it.”                                                                                                                                               

“Oh. That’s. . .interesting.” Saeyoung brainstormed ideas of reasonable things he could give Hesuela, but nothing too valuable, so in case she was a fake and his mother found the item missing, she wouldn’t make him clean the toilet with his tongue. He soon came up with an idea, but then Saeran beat him to announcing it.                                                           

“Would you take 1985 vodka from Belgium? Our mom has some in our house.”                      

Saeyoung looked at Saeran. “Belgium? The vodka is from Bulgaria, remember?”            

“Oh, I thought it was Belgium. She didn’t say Belgium?”                                                        

“Belgium, Bulgaria, no matter,” Hesuela said. “Vodka from any country is a treat. I’ll take it.”                                                                                                                                                         

Saeran smiled. “Really? Thank you! But we don’t have it with us. . .”                                    

“Don’t worry, dear. Just tell me your wish now, and you get the vodka while I make preparations.”                                                                                                                                              

Saeyoung rose an eyebrow. “Preparations. . .?”                                                                         

“Why, yes, granting wishes can be quite a fuss. I don’t just tap a magic wand and make it all happen. I have to do some redefining of reality first.”                                                 

“Um. . .okay then.” Neither Choi Boi quite understood what she said, but they decided not to question it. They glanced at each other, knowing they shared the same wish. They looked back at Hesuela, and Saeyoung spoke once more.                                              

“We have our wish.”                                                                                                                       

“Oh? Let’s hear it.”                                                                                                                         

“We wish. . .that our alcoholic, abusive, good-for-nothing mother is arrested. We want to never see her again so we can live in peace and I can protect my brother.”                   

Hesuela blinked once. Twice. Three times. Then a drop of sweat slid off the side of her face, regardless of the cloudy weather.                                                                                        

“Oh, um. . .well. Dears.” She sighed. “I’m afraid. . .I can’t grant that wish.”                                  

Both Choi Boi’s eyes narrowed. “ _What_?” They spoke in unison.                                       

“I. . .didn’t think you’d make a wish like that. I assumed you would ask for a bunch of money or toys or something, and I could get counterfeit money or go to a nearby toy store while you got the vodka.”                                                                                     

Saeran’s jaw dropped. His expression was now purely of one with a heart that had just watched Marely and Me.                                                                                       

Saeyoung was too disgusted to be upset. “So you _are_ a fake!”                                                 

“Uh. . .well. . .that’s. . .” She made a nervous giggle. She then glanced at her wrist, where there so happened to be a watch I didn’t mention in her description. “Oh, well, look at the time! I just remembered a really important errand to run in Slovakia! If I don’t run now I’ll be late! Toodles!”                                                                                   

Hesuela’s body metamorphized back into blue mist, then quickly dove back into the teapot. The top flung itself back on before mini rocket engines emerged from the bottom. The teapot traveled upwards as gas came out of the engines. It went up a several dozen feet into the air, pointed itself west, and then blasted off like a car in a police chase.                                                                                                                                                                       

When it was out of sight, the Choi Bois stood there for what felt like hours. To every reader’s surprise, it was Saeran who broke the silence.                                                              

“Saeyoung?”                                                                                                                                    

“Yes?”                                                                                                                                               

“I know you were serious when you wished for Mom to be arrested. But. . .did you really mean it when you said you’d protect me?”                                                                                   

Saeyoung smiled. “Of course I meant it. I love you, Saeran. Everything I do, everything I aspire to be, is to protect you. I dream for more days like this, where we have adventures like meeting a fake genie, where I get to be with you, _happy_ with you.”                       

All of Saeran’s sad tears from before vaporized into the void. They were immediately replaced with happy tears as he grabbed Saeyoung into a tight bearhug. Saeyoung almost choked, but hugged him back anyway, just as tight.                                            

When the Choi Bois returned home, some RCSSLA crew members were just leaving their house. Their mother tried to explain the sounds she had heard that morning. However, seeing no evidence of a murdered doggo, cute kitty cat, or rabid flying buffalo, they assumed she had imagined it in her drunken state and took no further measures.                                                         

The Choi Bois reentered their house through their window, just in time before their mom came in. She praised them for not leaving their rooms and begging the crew to take them to CPS, telling them how “they were so quiet, she finally liked herself”.                   

To their relief, she left them alone for the rest of the day. Saeyoung had successfully missed any whiff of vodka; from Belgium or Bulgaria, he had no idea. But in the end, he went to bed that night with his heart full of love. Never could he express his gratitude for having the opportunity to have such a wild day, with his brother at his side.


	2. Space Station

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeyoung wants to propose to his boyfriend Yeo, and wants it to be special. It becomes special alright, but perhaps in the most wild and questionable way either of them could have imagined.

10 months.                                                                                                                                       

It had been 10 months since the night Yeo and Saeyoung had gotten engaged. In other words, the night that changed everything.                                                            

That night had started off as dinner at some local fancy restaurant. Saeyoung should have sensed something was up by that fact alone; Yeo prided himself in being a stingy fuck and didn’t like spending extra money on anything, ever. But he realized that Saeyoung blew money on crossdressing, baby cars, and handmade robots to terrorize Jumin’s guards so he could see Elizabeth the 3rd anyway, So, being stingy when living with Saeyoung was (arguably) redundant, despite Yeo’s best efforts.

Another strange factor was that Saeran didn’t tag along, which he often did when the couple went out. However, he had found out earlier that week that the My Chemical Romance reunion tour was a hoax. Ever since that horrific revelation, he was either in his bed crying, in the shower crying, or blasting music through his headphones with his tear quota maxed out for the day. In the end, the couple felt best giving him some space and not risking a scene in the restaurant. 

Now, Saeyoung had been considering proposing to his cherished Yeo for a while. He had bought a ring and prepared a short, epic speech, but the timing never felt right. But the moment Yeo said he wanted to go out for a nice meal, Saeyoung realized that on such an occasion, he could kill two birds with one stone. Figuratively. 

Throughout the dinner, Saeyoung kept touching the ring box in his pocket. At one point, Yeo gave him a gentle smile. 

“What’s the long face for, Saeyoung?”

“Huh? What long face? My face isn’t long.” He scoffed. “At least, not as long as V’s nose when he told me Saeran was happy as a lark, prancing in flower fields on a bunny farm, when he was actually. . .yeah.”                                                                        

“Well, a nose can’t get much longer than _that_. But you keep biting your lip. You do it whenever you want to tell me something.”                                                                                            

“Oh.” Saeyoung hadn’t been aware he had that habit. Then again, due to watching Yeo in his security feed back when he lived in Rika’s apartment, he noticed several habits of Yeo’s he probably didn’t know about. These habits included biting his tongue when he was anxious, rolling on the floor between 8:24 – 10:11 PM biweekly, and eating chocolate wrapped in copy paper. Unfortunately, Rika didn’t keep much chocolate in her old apartment, so Yeo ate the last of it on Day 3 of the Deep Route. It was a tragic experience for him, to say the least.                                                                                          

“You’re right, my love.” Saeyoung felt a light blush rush to his cheeks. There _is_ something I want to tell you.”                                                                                                      

Yeo reached his arm, his fingers on top of Saeyoung’s laying on the table. “What is it, my angel?”                                                                                                                             

A gush of love erupted in Saeyoung’s heart upon hearing the pet name; his blush deepened. He (internally) pulled his love-inducing brain chemicals together so he could begin his proposal.                                                                                                                                        

That was when a giant, ear-shattering crash erupted from the front of the restaurant. It caused Saeyoung and Yeo twist their heads so fast, they nearly got whiplash.         

At the entrance of the restaurant, there was an elephant. However, it was no ordinary elephant. It was wearing a corset and a corset only, screaming while running on a giant beach ball, spraying an undetermined purple liquid out of its trunk, and holding the original copy of the Pali Canon. Not only was there glass all over the floor from the elephant barging through the glass doors, but she was stomping all over exquisite chairs and tables, while drenching everyone with the undetermined purple liquid.                          

When some of the liquid fell on Saeyoung, none went into his mouth, so he didn’t taste it, but he could tell by the smell that it wasn’t grape juice. Part of him was tempted to taste it, but the other part had too many panic-inducing chemicals to make that kind of decision. You know, an irrational one.                                                               

The couple was frozen in their seats as they watched the elephant roll around; to their impeccable convenience, it happened to roll to every area of the restaurant except to their table. Then for no real apparent reason, it slipped off the ball. The elephant continued stomping where it was, but the ball headed straight for the couple.            

They exchanged an astonished glance. In unison, they shouted, “RUN FOR THE LIFE OF GOD SEVEN!”                                                                                                                      

. . .                                                                                                                              

Correction: _Saeyoung_ shouted that. On the other hand, Yeo had shouted, “OMG, WHERE DID IT GET THE ORIGINAL PALI CANON?” But the panic chemicals in his brain were pulled together just enough to make him run anyway.                              

Saeyoung and Yeo held hands as they evaded the beach ball and ran straight out of the (now destroyed) door. However, they didn’t even make it down the block before they skidded to a halt, because if they hadn’t, their minds might have vaporized from the sudden information overload in front of them.                                                                

To put it simply, the street had transformed into an amplified version of a three-ring circus from the depths of hell. There were giraffes in tuxedos choking to death on mice wanted for murder, lions and hyenas having a screaming contest, and goats running around on fire. More particularly, goats with a head of a penguin and the body of a penguin.                                                                                                                                     

The cutie Korean bois would have continued staring at the unexplainable sight; it was so wild, they honestly kinda wanted too. However, their good luck expired after they exited the restaurant, because out of all possible patrons of the restaurant, the ball decided to go after them and them only.                                                                               

They held hands again as they continued running. Neither of them kept track of how far they ran, but considering they passed the three-ring circus from the depths of hell 4 times, they knew they had run in circles.                                                                          

“Saeyoung, you know we’ve passed that circus from hell 4 times now, right?” Yeo somehow managed to say, regardless of running so fast he could barely breathe.                                   

“Uh, I wasn’t counting. I _thought_ we’d seen these streets before,” Saeyoung said flawlessly, not having to take a single extra breath. “Let’s keep going straight instead of making a turn this time!”                                                                                                                   

So they continued to run straight, soon coming across streets neither had seen in their life. After what felt like nearly a millennium, Saeyoung happened to see a bus boarding across the street.                                                                                                               

“Yeo, look!” He pointed to the bus. “The ball can’t crush us into human jello if we jump on _that_!”                                                                                                                   

"Yeah, it'll crush us _and_ everyone else on it into human jello, and then we'll die without having achieved salvation!"

“But the ball is only targeting us! It hasn’t gone after anyone else we’ve passed, and we’ve been running forever. It’ll stop if we travel with other people!”                                  

“Good point. All aboard~!”                                                                                                            

The couple boarded the bus 5 seconds before the doors shut. They sighed in relief, this time actually in unison. They settled in the front since the back was full, but they could see through the back window that the beach ball had not only stopped, but had turned beet red. Whether from anger or from getting so hot from rolling, the couple would never know.                                                                                                                                     

Saeyoung and Yeo plopped into two adjacent front seats. Once they caught their breath, Yeo scooted closer and put his hand on Saeyoung’s thigh.                                     

“You alright?”                                                                                                                                  

“Yeah. I was worried about you the whole time.” Saeyoung put his arm around Yeo and gently rubbed his shoulder.                                                                                

Yeo didn’t have the heart to say he spent most of the run thinking about how in the _world_ a circus elephant got ahold of the Pali Canon. But he didn’t want to lie and claim he thought the same thing, so he smiled in reply instead.                                                     

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Yeo had a random mini-epiphany.                  

“Saeyoung? Do you have _any_ idea where this bus goes?”                                                        

“I. . . have absolutely no clue!” He said it with the kind of enthusiasm that would make Jaehee want to kick him in the face. "Let's ask a random stranger!"                                   

Saeyoung glanced at a young woman sitting across from them. She was wearing a hood over her face, glaring down at her phone in what baby boomers call “text neck”, sitting with her knees up and feet on the edge of the seat.                                                               

“Hey, girl wearing the hood!”                                                                                                       

She snapped her head up as fast as Saeyoung and Yeo had back at the restaurant. Her eyes were coated with enough eyeliner to make her look liked a humanized raccoon, her lipstick was the color of a vampire’s dinner, and don’t even get me started on the streaks in her (probably overdyed) black hair.                                                              

“What?” Her voice was monotone, but not in a threatening way, rather in an “I don’t care about anything except pizza, my cat and MySpace.com” kind of way.                          

“Do you know where this bus goes?”                                                                                           

“Um. . .” She rose an eyebrow. “Why would you go on a bus if you don’t know where it’s headed?”                                                                                                              

“Oh, for. . .Reasons™.”                                                                                                                  

“Reasons™? What’s the ™ on the reasons for?”                                                                        

Saeyoung shrugged. “Because I Can™.”                                                                                      

The currently unhelpful Goth Girl frowned. “That Can didn’t need a ™. That ™ ruined the poor Can. It did not ask for such an atrocity.”                                                               

“You’re right, that Can never ask for a ™. I also never asked to be alive, yet here I am!”                                                                                                                              

Goth Girl stared at them for a moment. Then she smiled. “I feel you. I didn’t ask to be alive either. Anyway, still wanna know where you’re going?”                                 

“Please tell us,” Yeo pleaded.                                                                                                        

She opened her mouth to speak. However, this fic must have some kind of curse, because like how Saeyoung was during dinner, she was interrupted by someone. This time, it was by another girl, around the Goth Girl’s age. She had stood up on her seat and let out a screech, then announcing:                                                                                       

“IT’S FAKE! IT’S ACTUALLY FAKE! THE MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE REUNION TOUR IS A HOAX!”                                                                                       

Memories of Saeran’s emo-life crisis came flooding back to Saeyoung and Yeo. Which was upsetting, as they had done a good job of (temporarily) forgetting about him that night. Now here they were, on a bus who knows how far from home, being practically forced to remember it all over again.                                                                       

Except, they only spent around 10 seconds fretting about the above. During those 10 seconds, the Goth Girl’s face froze, and her eyes became as wide as an elephant’s head. Undetermined purple liquid came leaking out of her eyes, filling up with glitter as they trailed down her face and stained her raven-black clothes. Her face then turned a tad green; her hand covered her mouth as it filled up with literally anyone can guess what. Saeyoung and Yeo felt sick to their stomachs knowing what they were about to see.

That is, what they _thought_ they was about to see. Which wasn’t black nail polish with Halloween themed confetti.                                                                                   

No one cared about the fake reunion tour anymore; everyone and their mom was staring as the nail-polish hurling Goth Girl as she vomited all over the ground and surrounding seats. Saeyoung was sitting at an angle where he could see the bus driver, so he looked over in his direction, hoping he would pull over and get involved. However, the driver was entirely oblivious to the scene, his jaw agape and his eyes red as he stared out on to the road.                                                                                                                        

Yeo must have had the same idea, because he peeked at the bus driver as well.  He frowned. “Maybe we should alarm him that something’s going on. . .?”                                

Before Saeyoung could agree, Goth Girl did just that. She took deep breaths as she struggled to stand up, hobbling her way to the driver. However, this fic apparently has a deep passion for interruptions, because before she could speak, nail polish came pouring out of her mouth on to his lap.                                                                           

The driver’s face turned into Yoosung’s shocked emoji as he quickly pulled over. He twisted his head to the passengers, noticing the nail polish on the floor and seats.               

“Good Lord. . .I can’t have passengers on a bus with excretions on it. Sorry everyone, but I’m afraid I must drop all of you off here.”                                                                 

There were a few groans of annoyance, but no one complained as the doors opened and everyone filed off. Saeyoung and Yeo simply sighed as they stepped off. They took a few steps away from the edge of the sidewalk to let others depart. Then they looked at each other.                                                                                                                        

“So. . . _now_ what do we do?” Yeo asked.                                                                        

“First, let’s try to find where we are.” Saeyoung looked straight ahead and skimmed his surroundings. Within seconds, his eyes widened.                                                          

“Saeyoung, what’s wrong?” Yeo asked. Saeyoung responded by pointing. When Yeo saw what he was pointing at, he understood his reaction.                                                

Right in front of them was the South Korean NASA observatory.                                          

“Wow,” Yeo said. “Didn’t expect to bump into here, out of anywhere.”                                

Instead of responding with some adequate human sounds called words, Saeyoung grabbed Yeo’s wrist and pulled it as he ran towards the building.                                   

“Saeyoung, love, wait!” He was tempted to bite his boyfriend from gripping his wrist so hard, but that would probably leave a hicky. If the RFA saw it, not only would Yoosung turn into an overripe tomato, Zen would find himself in anger management classes, Jaehee would stab herself with a pen, and Saeran would not get any decent sleep until they found Jesus. Man, why did they have to make a big deal out of _everything_?              

Of course, the two still gave each other hickies. Just in places that, ah, clothes covered.                                                                                                                                        

When Saeyoung didn’t respond to his boyfriend’s first protest, he made another one. “I know you love space and all that, but it’s getting late! They’re probably closed by now!”                                                                                                                                                 

Saeyoung slowed down and loosened his grip, but turned to Yeo with a smirk.                    

“If you’re worried about it being closed, you must have forgot what I used to do for a living.”                                                                                                                      \

“Oh, yeah. . .that makes it even worse!”                                                                                      

Of course, Saeyoung didn’t listen as he stopped in front of the entrance. Between the path to the building and the entrance was a white circle; both him and Yeo were standing in it. The doors were made of one sided glass, so the inside was hidden. He stood still as he studied the doorknob.                                                                                      

“Just how are you going to hack into that, anyway?” Yeo asked. “You don’t have your computer or any of your gear on you!”                                                                         

“Oh, my love, I don’t need my computer or gear to hack into _this_.” Saeyoung pulled his phone and a few cables out of his ~~ass~~ pocket, then hooked one side of the cable to his phone, the other the doorknob. He grinned as he began typing in JavaScript or binary or whatever the hell he was using hack with.                                                            

“Saeyoung, we can come here for our next date, when it’s open. Why hack into it now? I’m getting a bad feeling about this. . ."                                                                      

Saeyoung put down his phone to turn around and look at Yeo directly. “You’re not wrong. But. . .I’ve always wanted to come here. And I never had the chance.” He made a small sniffle. “I’m not patient like you. I want to see it _nowwwieeeee_!”                               

Normally, Yeo would have been tempted to kick his boyfriend in the scrotum right then and swear off all sex for the rest of the week. Except that was when Saeyoung just _had_ to give him his puppy-eyes and pouty lip.                                                                   

Yeo would never admit it, but his puppy-eyes and pouty-lip combo was cuter than any puppy he had ever seen in the universe. It made his cold, bitter heart melt, made flowers bloom, restore the ice caps, revive stillborn kittens, want to pinch his cheeks, kiss his lips wearing his favorite lip balm flavor, and say yes to any request ever, no matter how fucking absurd the request was.                                                                              

But Yeo is a disciplined man. Meaning that Saeyoung’s puppy-eyes and pouty lip did _not_ make him say yes to any request ever, no matter how much he wanted to give in.        

Saeyoung, I said no. I love you, but I’m tired. Let’s go home.” He then grabbed his wrist and attempted to pull him away from the door.                                                           

“Yeo, wait! The cables are still attached! I can’t unplug them mid-code!” He used his right hand to attempt finishing the code, as Python was gripping tightly on the left. Saeyoung didn’t even think about biting there and potentially leaving a hicky, as he was too busy trying to make one of his three and a half childhood dreams come true.                   

Unfortunately, it has been statistically shown that using one hand to type causes more typos. So, when Saeyoung finished typing and submitted the code, it was denied. Which he expected to happen, but not the _next_ thing that happened.                                                 

“You have tried to hack into South Korea NASA observatory. How shameful. Why couldn’t you wait until we are open? No matter, you’re a dweeb with no life trying to hack and got the code wrong. But we’re too lazy to autocall the police to arrest you, so we’ll activate our special security system instead.”                                                                           

Yeo’s jaw hit the ground. Not literally, don’t be a snark. “ _Special security system_?”                                                                                                                                      

Saeyoung quickly yanked off the cords. “Fuck, did Rika ask NASA to install a bomb too?”                                                                                                                                        

Within seconds, his question was answered: it wasn’t a bomb. Rather, the white circle surrounding them lit up. It then slowly elevated them off the ground. As it rose, the couple could hear springs popping like a mattress underneath them. Yeo had no idea what was about to occur, but for good measure, he wrapped himself around his boyfriend.                                                                                                                                                     

And it was a damn good thing he did. Because that’s when the white-ringed platform launched them into the air.                                                                                               

The couple screamed like wussies on a roller coaster as they flew higher and higher, passing by layers of clouds. They expected gravity to take its course, but somehow, they kept going higher. Soon, they no longer saw clouds; instead, they were met with the sights of the night sky.                                                                                          

“Um, Saeyoung? Did was just exit the atmosphere?” Yeo had to shout to be heard over the air turbulence.                                                                                                             

“Looks like it, yet we’re still alive!”                                                                                              

A couple minutes later (in Earth time), the couple saw themselves heading towards a giant metal space object, with dorky satellites sticking out of the sides. Within 400 milliseconds, Saeyoung’s expression went from terror to literal unconditional love. Yeo would have asked why, if he hadn’t been in deep terror, as they were _heading straight for the thing_.                                                                                                                            

However, the good luck they had in the restaurant suddenly decided to come back, as they managed to enter the giant metal space object through a random open window. The window led to a room with two convenient mattresses, one duck taped to the wall, and one half-floating on the ground. They smacked into the former before landing somewhat peacefully on the latter.                                                                                          

Yeo’s vision blurred as he laid on the mattress, recovering from the spontaneous launch. When his vision returned to normal, he took a few deep breaths before slowly sitting up. Saeyoung was already standing, looking around the room with complete admiration.                                                                                                                                        

“Saeyoung? What’s that look for? We were literally just thrown into space!”   “Yeo. . .” The redhead had a beaming smile pasted on his face. “You really don’t know where we are?”                                                                                                                              

“Uh, in some metal flying object in _space_?”                                                                              

“This. . . is a _space station_.”                                                                                                          

“Oh.” Yeo’s brain had barely managed to get its chemicals together since they landed so it took him a moment to process what Saeyoung said. “. . .Oh. _OH_!”                    

Saeyoung walked back to Yeo, his eyes full with adoration and love. He reached out and held Yeo’s right hand. Yeo gave him the biggest smile he’s made since his parents forced him to get pictures taken when he was 2. Then the couple reached into their pockets at the same time. They froze.                                                                                   

Two could play _this_ game.                                                                                                             

The next few moments were a blur. It mainly consisted of Saeyoung being too stunned to move, and Yeo grabbing his ring first, opening the box, and getting down on one knee.                                                                                                                                   

“Saeyoung Choi, my life, my love. . .I know you just tried to hack into a federal government building, which made me really tempted to kick you in the scrotum and swear off sex for a week. But I love you to death anyway, would you marry me?”                              

Saeyoung was so touched and overjoyed, Yeo’s former threat didn’t bother him. He burst into tears as he smiled so big, his cheekbones nearly cracked. He responded by digging into his pocket, panicking for a second when he couldn’t feel the box, and sighing in relief when he found it and pulled it out.                                                                 

_"Of course_ I’ll marry you, my angel.” He reached his hand to Yeo again, gently pulling him up after he took it. Yeo slid his ring on Saeyoung’s hand first. He looked at it in awe before sliding his on Yeo’s. The couple then pulled each other into a warm, loving hug.                                                                                                                                       

“Yeo. . .I can’t believe that you had a Longcat ring custom made. I love it.”                   

“Saeyoung. . .I can’t believe you had a ring resembling literally every other wedding ring that has ever existed custom made, other than the fact my birthstone is in it. I love it.”                                                                                                                                                         

The now engaged couple cuddled on the mattress, deciding to get some good night’s sleep before figuring out how to get home. They were slightly concerned about Saeran, considering his. . .crisis, but they figured he was either crying or blasting music while crying anyway, and had nothing to worry about.                                                              

Little did they know that Saeran had used their absence to take one of Saeyoung’s baby cars for a drive, despite not having a license. So far, Saeran had managed to explore the city without any causalities (minus the drunk yellow jackets he accidentally crushed with the windshield wipers), but you never know what _that_ guy could end up doing. . .                                                                                                             


End file.
